Seducing Teen-agers (1984) Book Review

The title Seducing Teen-agers is a bit misleading.  It sounds like an instruction manual. It's not. Also, only one teenager is actually seduced. And then this novel basically tells the story of this one relationship.

Lou Jackson, having lost money gambling in Las Vegas, now heads home to his frumpy thirty-six-year-old wife. On his way back to Los Angeles, he picks up an attractive teenage hitchhiker named Wendy. "He had decided to fuck Wendy Caruthers, rape her if necessary, even if it meant ten years in jail" (page 13). And though Wendy makes it clear that she does not wish to be raped, she's not being entirely honest. "It was only when she had been truly overpowered that the guilt left her and, blameless, she could then enjoy the fucking she craved" (page 18). "More than anything in the world, Wendy hoped that this man had the stamina, would not be deterred by her ear-shattering screams nor (if he survived that) her gouging fingernails and sharp, clamping teeth" (page 18). Oh, the games women play. She wants to be raped so she can have sex without the guilt, but still fights him, scratching and screaming and hitting when she can. "Rape! Wonderful, blameless rape! she thought" (page 21).

The next morning Wendy remembers the thoughtful advice her mother had given her: "Marry rich or get yourself a sugar-daddy" (page 32). Lou, that morning, wants to be gentle - "he didn't want to startle her and have to rape her again" (page 39). He in fact offers to set her up in an apartment near a college and pay for her clothes and tuition and everything else in exchange for sex. Wendy of course accepts this generous offer, thanks to her mother's advice.

When Lou shows her the apartment building, author Lionel Wilkins writes, "Lou had to laugh to himself as Wendy scampered far ahead of him, taking in everything, like a curious and excited puppy. There was only one difference. Wendy was no puppy" (page 51).

He takes her shopping, and then when he's unloading the car, he's upset to see Wendy flirting with two boys. Wendy then realizes, "Yes, he was jealous. Was that because he loved her and when they fucked it was like a symphony or a waterfall or a sunset or a warm kitten? She loved kittens" (page 61). Clearly, she's a little crazy.

Not that Lou is the sanest of folks. When Wendy sucks his penis, he feels bad for his sperm, those "millions of terribly confused, misguided and duped swimmers with one mission in life who had failed - blown (that was a good one blown - muffed was even worse) their one big chance. He saw them frantically racing for an egg that didn't exist. Turn back! Turn back! their cries resounded, but of course it was too late and, worse, impossible. Ah, there was the perversity of it all, if it was perversity. No, of course it wasn't" (page 77).

But he also feels bad for his wife when he returns home. It's like has a conscience, and understands her predicament and feels guilty. He even begins to cry. And, what is perhaps more astounding, he has sex with his wife. "After all these years together, sex between them had become an intuitive matter, an orgasmic seance" (page 88).

Wendy goes to the doctor to get the Pill, and becomes so excited that her name briefly changes to Judy: "Judy thought of his tongue darting between her legs, then his bulging ram-rod fucking her while she lay shackled here on the table with her feet in the stirrups" (page 101). I've known this to happen to several women, and one woman I know got so excited she changed her name to Bill.

Wendy decides to study literature in college, and then she and her neighbor, Cynthia, talk about how they're the two sexiest girls in the apartment building. This leads, naturally, to the two of them having sex. "It was not a homosexual act, Wendy knew. Otherwise she would have felt guilt. No, it was an act of mutual adoration - a tribute to the perfection they recognized in each other's bodies" (page 119). Sure, sure. It was a homosexual act, of course. Wendy is not the brightest college student. "It was one of the first times Wendy had not felt guilty following sex" (page 120). Right, because she's in denial. She takes no responsibility for her actions, and is not honest with herself. Wendy is fucking mess.

And it's not long before she takes a male lover her own age. After having sex with Ted once, she decides she is love with him and "wanted to be his mate for the rest of her life" (page 151). Sounds a bit nuts, but this book actually has a happy ending for everyone.

Teacher's Torrid Obsession (1975) Book Review

When June Wilson was fifteen, she lost her virginity "to a common delivery boy, a kid from the wrong side of the tracks" (page 6). Her parents reacted rather strongly - "In terror they had left their little town in Massachusetts, never to return, lest their prudish friends find out about June's obscene escapade" (page 7).

Now at age twenty-eight, she still thinks of that boy, not being attracted to men her own age. Well, good thing she got a job as a teacher. And with all the money she makes at her teaching job, she buys an expensive sports car and some new clothes and goes to Indiana to find a boy. This is really a story of the American Dream.

She picks up a rugged-looking teenage hitchhiker named Joey. "He also thought she was the hottest-assed bitch he had ever played around with, with the possible exception of his sisters" (page 44). Joey then invites her to his home so she can have sex with the rest of his family. (I used to pick up hitchhikers fairly regularly, and this rarely happened to me.)

When she meets Joey's mother, she figures her to be about her own age. But if Joey is sixteen, and his mother is June's age, that means she was twelve when she gave birth to Joey. Does June teach math? Later the author writes, about June, "She was built more like a girl of twenty-five than a woman of nearly forty" (page 70). Did June age a decade on her trip? That's one long, hot summer.

After having sex with Joey and Joey's parents, June begins thinking of Joey's younger siblings. "She no longer felt any real shame about her desire for young cocks. But it was difficult, as a matter of form, to transform her wishes into realities. After all, she thought, one just doesn't ask two loving parents for their children's sexual favors" (page 75). Fortunately, the parents suddenly have to drive into town, and June's "cunt was coming alive like a furry little animal stirring after a nap" (page 76).  That works well because Joey "wanted to sniff around in the hair of her twat like a puppy looking for something tasty in the grass" (page 92).

The family's home includes a room with a giant bath tub "sunk into the middle of the floor and surrounded by a circle of benches upholstered in thick fur" (page 104). (I have to remember this for when I can afford a house of my own.)  They also have a small theatre with fur-covered seats, for one of the sons, Ron, is studying to be an actor. He puts on a show with a whip, and has June come on stage. Soon the whole family is on stage, and this is the kind of theatre anyone would enjoy.

But soon June leaves this family after they tell her of a couple of friends of theirs who run a school in Key West. There she is greeted by a sixteen-year-old houseboy and a fifteen-year-old maid. It's tough to find good help, but these two get right to work on making June comfortable.

Author Jason Edgars writes, "Suddenly, as if from a sperm-gun, a shot of hot white cum blasted into the woman's sucking throat, almost choking her with its volume" (page 140). I know the Second Amendment guarantees the right of every citizen to carry a sperm-gun, but I wish they wouldn't keep them concealed.

Anyway, this family runs a school for eighty-three boys, all of whom are very horny.  It's enough to nearly destroy poor June Wilson.

The Wanton Teacher (1974) Book Review

The publisher, in the foreword, decries the current state of education in this country, and mentions how dangerous inner-city schools are. Children just aren't safe, and "It is tragic when a teacher such as the one around whom our story revolves becomes obsessed with having sex with her students" (page 6). Not that it's fun for her, "For she cannot be happy doing what she is doing" (page 7). A shame, for then everyone suffers. This foreword readies us for a tragedy.

Twenty-three year old Susan Garner is a teacher (and also a swimmer) who is not immune to compliments from certain male students. On her first day at work, one student, Arthur, invites her to go swimming in his pool, and even offers to take color movies of her. Susan thinks this is a wonderful idea. She gives Arthur pointers on his swimming technique. And he convinces her to take her bathing suit off.  "'I better go swimming now,' she said. 'That's what we are supposed to be doing, isn't it?'" (page 20). The most troubling aspect of this, of course, is that she is clearly an idiot, and no one wants idiots teaching our children, not even teaching them swimming. 

It takes only a few encouraging words before Susan has Arthur's penis in her mouth. "Embraced, in the warmth of his thighs, Susan felt secure and happy" (page 25). Certainly she must have felt her job was secure. "And as far as Arthur was concerned, the sexy teacher's mouth was the most perfect resting place for his penis in the world" (page 25). But would it be his penis' final resting place?  Susan immediately becomes emotionally attached to Arthur. He tells her, "Knock it off... I don't go for sentimental crap. You want another fuck?" (page 30).

At work, she is asked to teach something called the Pregnancy Class, that is teaching the students who have become pregnant. The vice principal tells her, "Year after year the same girls are getting pregnant" (page 36). Really? There are only four years in high school, so are we to believe that certain girls have four children by graduation? That must be exhausting.

Marvin enters her classroom, demanding oral sex. After all, she did it for his buddy Arthur, so it really wouldn't be fair for her to turn Marvin away. Teachers shouldn't show any favoritism. Marvin demands another date, so she writes down her address and phone number. When Marvin shows up that night, she becomes upset: "She was angry as hell, even though she knew she probably had to be his unwilling victim" (pages 48-49). Because if you know you have to be someone's victim, there is no reason to be angry. And so she has a great time, and suddenly is emotionally attached to Marvin too, asking him what his plans are after high school.

The gym teacher later hits on her, asking her about her dinner plans. She tells him, "I plan to eat a solitary meal by myself" (page 67). But he talks to her for another thirty seconds, and she begins to like him, and they go off to a bar. Does no ever mean no with this girl? Not that she needs to be wooed, but the gym teacher sweet talks her a bit: "And, honey, you've got a pair of knockers on you that won't stop" (page 72). What happens if they do suddenly stop? Author Mary Pearson never tells us.

After they have sex, the gym teacher tells her, "This is what sex is all about...Not having kids. But enjoying it." She doesn't bother to tell him she had two kids earlier.

Arthur and Marvin pay Susan a visit for a threesome, and soon "Their bodies were merging in a total sex situation" (page 100).  I had one of those total sex situations a while back, but I took care of it. "She reached up and massaged one buttock while licking the other. Finishing one, she moved to the other. When she had licked both of his buttocks, she pulled on his penis" (page 112). That signals that she's finished. In England, pulling on the penis signals the maid that it's time to serve tea. That's a tip for any of you thinking of doing a bit of traveling next year.

Susan gets a new student in her class, and immediately imagines having sex with him. So she writes down her address and phone number for him, though by now you'd think it would be posted in the boys' bathroom.  The new student, Bill, visits Susan. "Her mouth was engulfed with Bill's cock, and it was difficult to breathe. Yet there was something wonderful about it. It was total communication" (page 131).  That is nice, as most people need to work on their communication skills.

She has a great time with Bill, but the next day she takes a shine to Ron, who is whispering during class. She tells him she has to discipline him with a paddle. (No matter how much I misbehaved during class, no teacher ever said that to me, and for that I am forever sad.) At one point later on, another student enters her classroom to ask about his grades, and Susan manages not to have sex with him. She is quite proud of herself for holding back. But she probably ought to do a bit of teaching at some point. After all, the vice principal is upset that she hasn't put any interesting displays on her bulletin boards.

Later, when Susan is going down on one of her students at home, the vice principal suddenly enters her bedroom and tells her, "I guess you're not as good a teacher as I thought you were" (page 185).  And that's pretty much the end of that. But I do wish someone would explain to me what the author means by "the fir-trimmed triangle around her crotch" (page 93).  A triangle trimmed with bark, perhaps?

Shakespeare References in Beverly Clark's Wedding Toasts

Years ago when my brother announced his wedding plans, my mom - perhaps fearful that I would say horrible things at the reception - sent me a copy of Beverly Clark's Wedding Toasts. I didn't use any of the quoted material in it. I did, of course, quote Shakespeare, but didn't use either of the lines presented here.

In the chapter titled "Finding The Perfect Words" is this quote: "Brevity is the soul of wit. William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English writer" (page 45). That line is from Act II Scene ii of Hamlet, and it is a line spoken by Polonius.

Then, in the chapter titled "Traditional Toasts," we have this: "Heaven give you many, many, merry days! William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English poet and playwright" (page 68).  This is a line from The Merry Wives Of Windsor, though there shouldn't be a comma after the second "many."

The Degraded Tennis Star (1978) Book Review

Who would have thought that in the foreword to an adult book, the publisher would mention Patty Hearst and the terrorism at the Olympic games? Well, this book did come out in 1978, so... Still, I was surprised.

In The Degraded Tennis Star, by Harry Benson, tennis star Jody Freedman wakes with a start, naked, in a vehicle, having no memory of how she got there. That's right, the book opens with her having already been kidnaped. When she meets her abductor, Bert Clemson, he tells her, "Baby, let me look at them two over-size, unfuzzy tennis balls on yer chest" (page 8). He's a witty one, that Bert, and he makes several more tennis references throughout the story.  At first it seems he's kidnaped her not for money, but for sex. When he shows her his penis, Jody "couldn't help it that her eyes were galvanized to his corrupt erection. She almost gagged as she saw the seep of clear oil from the mocking slot in the blunt tip" (page 13).  But later she learns, as do we, that she is being held so that she won't compete in a tennis tournament in Las Vegas. So it is a money thing, after all. 

Striving for some originality, the writer gives us descriptions like this: "She could see the waltzing of his stomach muscles as he tensed them, compelling his gross testes to yo-yo in the thick sac that was now stretched smooth" (page 36). We also get great phrases like "boiling sex-cauldron" (page 86), "gobble my goop" (page 103), "my fuck-box is exploding" (page 149) and "fiery rectal furnace" (page 154).  By the way, if you have a fiery rectal furnace, it's really dangerous to put your fuck-box next to it. It will likely explode.

As is usual in these stories, the woman begins to enjoy being assaulted.  Jody then fondly remembers an incestuous moment with her uncle, who is also her business manager. So she's not as pure as we'd been led to believe.  If being kidnaped and raped wasn't bad enough, "Gradually, she began to realize that boredom was becoming a factor in her discontent" (page 55). Oh no!

There are many times that she could escape, but she doesn't. She even helps Bert after he is attacked by a bigger man. As an indirect result, she has to talk Bert out of burying her alive. By this point I had stopped caring about her. I don't have a lot of sympathy for the stupid.  To prove she's worth keeping alive, she goes down on him. "Clemson's groaning was loud and erratic as she flogged his obscene meat, milking sex-lubrication from the snake's eye in the blunt glans. Resigned to what she must do and with determination to do it and have it done with, she inhaled deeply and plunged her wide open mouth down on his fuck-sensitive shaft" (page 120). 

She gets him so drunk that he passes out. But she doesn't leave then either. Instead, she tries to get some sleep, but can't. Harry Benson writes, "She was perplexed that her mind kept reviewing her situation" (page 125).  I'm perplexed that in all that reviewing she didn't think to walk out the door. Even when they meet two women and a teenage boy, she doesn't try to solicit their help in an escape. Instead she watches the teenager go down on his mother while she kisses the other woman.

So at the end when she shoots herself, is it really a tragedy?  No, it isn't.

Roadside Sex (1982) Book Review

I love it when authors of adult books attempt to use vocabulary outside their range. It's not hard to appreciate what they're trying to do - elevate smut to poetry. Could it be considered a noble endeavor? Maybe. But the results can only be considered comedy.  Toni Ellis, the author of Roadside Sex, is clearly trying to write beyond his or her capability.  Check this out: "The female swimmer's long, dark hair jetted behind her like the undulating tail of some exotic, gorgeous fish. The girls naked, glistening shoulders trailed gracefully to the gentle slope of her back as she glided through the transparent water with ethereal gracefulness. Her back flowed flawlessly to the tiny hummock just below the twin round pert, firm swells of her naked buttocks which were alluringly complemented by the graceful swimmer's long, tapering legs" (page 9). Wow.

Anyway, Toni and Alicia are two young wives who are planning a cross-country hitchhiking trip, and need to ask their husbands for permission.  But first a telephone repairman is coming, and Alicia is naked.  "She had absently-mindedly left the door open" (page 15). Yes, "absently-mindedly." When the repairman arrives, he sees the "swift and amazed sight of Alicia's voluptuous tan form sweeping along the top of the staircase." I'm glad the wife is doing some sweeping, but shouldn't it be "amazing sight," not "amazed sight," especially as Alicia hasn't noticed his presence yet? The repairman "could not resist what Alicia represented for him, and that was womanhood in the most complete and irresistible form: nudity!" (page 15).

But he leaves without repairing anything, and the two couples have dinner. When it's time to broach the subject of the trip, author Toni Ellis writes, "Toni caught Alicia's attention with a swift, meaningful glance of her eyes" (page 21). As opposed to a glance of her kneecaps, I suppose.  This might be one of those situations where the writer is paid by the word, and needed an extra fifty or sixty bucks.  But you have to love phrases like "adulterously intimate contact" (page 38) and "kneeling ominously" (page 58).

Anyway, the girls' first ride is with two truckers who have set up a bedroom in their truck. Try to make sense of this sentence: "The redhaired trucker began to work his way slowly up Toni's naked torso, and soon his nose brushed against the nether flesh of her fully exposed breath and the feminine warmth emanating; from Toni's fleshy globe caused him to instinctively raise his free hand and powerfully paw the teenager's luscious tit" (page 41).  Can someone's breath have flesh? And can breath be "fully exposed"? And what's that semicolon doing there?

As confusing as that may be, it makes some sense next to this: "Mick's athletic power was no match for Alicia, and she finally found herself helplessly pinned beneath the youth's athletic weight as he straddled her waist" (page 43). Wait a moment. If his power is no match for hers, then she's the stronger. So why is she helplessly pinned?  Then a few pages later, Toni Ellis writes, "The bed began to rock with the increasing rhythm of Toni's jiggling buttocks and Toni noticed a definite change in her friend's breathing pattern: Toni's breath had modulated into a series of low, long inhalations and exhalations and tiny beads of sweat were beginning to form on her forehead" (page 46). Has Toni become her own friend? Has Alicia disappeared entirely?

Well, their husbands arrive at the truck, and one of them - Fred - insanely has a conversation with himself: "'What's the trouble?' Fred asked. 'Oh,' Fred replied, 'we saw your lights blinking on and off real fast'" (page 59). When Fred has finished his conversation, he and the other husband leave. The two wives escape to a rest area, and it is there they are reunited with their husbands. But it is also there that they encounter real trouble - a microbus full of sex-crazed dope-runners.  Uh-oh!  Alicia puts it nicely: "Sure, a little fun with the two truckers had been a little fun" (page 80). How can you argue with that?  But these new guys have already urinated on her and tied up her husband. And that's more than a little fun. That's a whole hell of a lot of fun.

The author repeatedly, pointlessly shoves the word "married" into the story, so that we get phrases like "her married loins" (page 44), "her married, sweet-smelling thighs" (page 46), "embedded in her married pussy" (page 51), "her nude, married ass" (page 58), "burrow into her married cunt" (page 66), "fleshy cleft of her married buttocks" (page 68), "quivering depths of her married womb" (page 98), "depths of her married twat" (page 102), "mounds of her naked, married tits" (page 103) and "his adulterous member into her married vagina" (page 120).  Geez, it's like her entire body is married.

The author also introduces the word "bullship" to the world (page 58), and though it hasn't quite caught on yet, I foresee a time when people will refer to all of Toni Ellis' writing as "bullship."

The French Teacher's Lesson (1977) Book Review

The French Teacher's Lesson begins with the uplifting message that dreams can come true. After presenting a physical description of Vicki ("tall, slender, full breasted girl with a wealth of blonde hair"), author Grace Wilkinson writes, "Well, she'd wished and wished and worked and worked...and now she had her wish! She was in New Orleans, and she was the new French teacher for Andrew Jackson High School" (page 5).  We learn soon that Andrew Jackson High School is a reform school.  The principal, upon meeting Vicki, tells her he himself wouldn't have hired her. She responds, "But, Mr. Clark...I think my credentials is in order" (page 9). Good thing she wasn't hired as the English teacher.

Her first day is a rough one, as the students pay no attention to her. And two of them - Mark Price and Katy - fool around right there in the classroom, and don't stop when Vicki tells them to.  At the end of the day the principal tells her the student committee asked that she be one of the monitors for Friday's dance. "I'd say that's quite an honor," he tells her.  Really?  What a strange world he lives in.  I'd say it's an annoying imposition on my free time. But then again, my fervent wish wasn't to become a high school French teacher.

Mark Price and his girlfriend, Katy, are having a bit of fun. Check out this poetic description: "The tight reluctant anal walls clung to his finger like muscular fly paper, and Katy's wails grew louder and more violent the further his determined finger plunged into the heatedly sucking depths of her rectal passage" (page 30).  Who says adult books aren't literature?

At the dance, Vicki steps out into the parking lot to watch three kids have sex in a convertible. Soon, of course, Mark Price is there. She tries to fight him off, but fails.  She fails repeatedly, and then ends up enjoying herself, which is slightly less than believable.

Though this school is full of hoodlums, apparently they hold classes on Saturdays, for the day after the dance (and after her rape), Vicki is back at work. After school, Mark Price and some of the other boys attack her. When she begs them not to do anything, Mark tells her, "Why, Miss London, you're all upset over nothing again. Just like last night" (pages 112-113).  And though she is about to be raped by several of her students, Vicki seems more upset by the fact that they're smoking pot and have given her a hit. She says, "Oh no...my God, not marijuana...Dear God, no, no, no!" (page 114).

When caught by the police, the students say that Vicki forced them all to have sex with her, and the cop believes them. No one ever accused the police of being intelligent.  Vicki just can't get a break, for while in jail the cop decides to have his way with her as well.  And we get this interesting description: "His weighty balls reminded her of a pair of eggs in a fuzzy suede bag as they pendulously swayed between his muscular thighs" (page 162).

The French Teacher's Lesson is a volume in the Adult Classic Series put out by Liverpool Library Press.